A TALE OF TWO MANSIONS: House Russia & House Ukraine

PANDEMIC WRITINGS, Melbourne, Australia (2020-2022): piece originally published March 6, 2022

There are two ancient mansions situated on the same street, side-by-side: House Ukraine and House Russia. Each Mansion has many rooms, many floors, adjacent balconies, and many diverse tenants; and despite having their differences, they have often visited one another, and have celebrated their many similarities.

It is best for the neighbourhood that they both co-exist in harmony.

One day, a Western stranger entered the Ukraine mansion through a jimmied back door; opened a suitcase filled with lucrative promises, and convinced the greediest tenants to oust the current Master of the House.

Soon, the old Master fled for his life, and those that chased him were ideologically neo-Nazis and Ultra Far Right Nationalists. The Western stranger awarded them all for their zealous brutality, bestowing funds and weapons upon them, and they were encouraged by the idea that their superior White Race should rule the Mansion from top down — and evict those not of the same ethnicity and ideology.

Conflict ensued, and many within House Ukraine were ethnically divided and killed. Those of the eastern quarters "rebelled," and remained in their fortified Separatist Basement as they endeavoured to protect themselves and their families from constant attacks and the plan to evict them all.

The neo-Nazi tenants were instructed to murder these oppositional residents and clean out their rooms for future use. They fought back. They were always part of House Ukraine, and would not be forced to move. They would stand their ground: it was their home, too.

House Russia observed the chaos, and was horrified at the treatment of its neighbours in House Ukraine by fellow Ukrainians. An obvious spell had descended, and the Western stranger had effectively taken over the entire Mansion with designs to "renovate" the entire neighbourhood.

All tenants were told that the trauma and transition occurring was a positive "revolution." Many stayed in their rooms and watched TV as they disassociated from reality. They were routinely told who the enemy was: their neighbour. The Western stranger eagerly helped the new token "Master" make new arrangements — some walls were knocked out, others added.

Things would now be done differently in House Ukraine. Profitable narcotics labs would be set up in certain rooms; weapons would be stockpiled and assembled; money laundered, and the neo-Nazi ideology celebrated, emboldened and empowered (they were given the keys to the house); humans would be secretly trafficked and exploited in certain red-lit rooms; and eventually, the "human vermin" confined in the Separatist Basement would be completely exterminated and the basement reclaimed as "House Ukraine."

Unbeknownst to those spellbound in House Ukraine, the Western stranger was merely using the entire Mansion for his own parasitical purposes, and would slyly thieve the wealth of House Ukraine, while cunningly dividing its people for exploitation, militarisation and an inevitable conflict with House Russia.

The Western stranger would ultimately burn both Mansions to the ground to achieve his ultimate agenda: no rivals.

The Russians had knocked on the door many times, and politely asked their neighbours to remove the Nazi-era flags being exhibited from many of their balconies. House Ukraine had responded by blackening their windows and placing snipers on the roof.

House Russia was concerned for the welfare of those confined to the basement — many bodies were witnessed strewn and decomposing in the backyard. They attempted to negotiate an arrangement to restore a cordial relationship amongst all House occupants and to stop the fratricide; but the neo-Nazi Master and his dupes would hear nothing of it. In fact, they offered additional rooms to foreign Nazis to take up residence, and received even more weaponry from their loyal Western friend.

This lasted for eight years.

Once the complete rule of psychopaths had been achieved (both at home, and especially abroad), House Ukraine had become a veritable Nazi haven and a hostile stronghold festering with malice. Many strangers moved within its shadowy hallways and had taken lodgings in its many rooms, and much was being schemed in the darkness.

The day eventually came when the false Master of the House spoke passionately about installing a crane with a wrecking ball that might be directed at House Russia. It was to be a deterrent, to strengthen their House. Once realised, it would demolish their neighbour's Mansion in an instant; however, like a pendulum, it would also return — assuring mutual destruction.

It had been their Western friend's brilliant idea for a defence strategy against an unfriendly neighbour.

House Russia would tolerate no such crane, and no such wrecking ball.

Soon, the concerned knocks on the door were not answered. Despite the many attempts by House Russia to negotiate and express their concerns, it was apparent that under the current Master, not only would House Ukraine start an uncontrollable fire, its recklessness would engulf both Mansions in fateful flames.

Sometimes, to truly look after the neighbourhood — you have to help your neighbour take out their garbage, especially if it is piling up, and they are not capable of doing so themselves.

House Russia was left with no alternative — they would have to knock louder on the door and eventually knock the door down. The house needed to be ventilated, a false friend evicted, and light finally let in.

The Nazi stench would have to go...