WHO ANNOUNCES NEW “GREEN MASK CREDIT” SYSTEM: A Mask that Stores Exhaled Carbon to Trade-In with a Crypto-Credit Generating Incentive

PANDEMIC WRITINGS, Melbourne, Australia (2020-2022): piece originally published April 1, 2021

NOTE: this was written as an April Fool’s Day shock-piece, and is merely satirical fiction… for now.

GENEVA, April 1 — Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, the Director-General of the World Health Organisation (WHO) announced a revolutionary global initiative that seeks to address World Health, by directly targeting carbon emissions that are destabilising planetary health. It is an initiative that has been embraced by the World Health Assembly, and is expected to be rolled-out in phases amongst WHO Member States over the coming twelve-to-eighteen months. Ambitiously described “as a small daily act by many with large consequences for all,” it has been dubbed: The Green Mask Credit Initiative (GMCI).

“A future for tomorrow, should be the preoccupation of the present,” were Dr Tedros’ opening words, as he unveiled a bold multi-faceted template for addressing pandemics present and future, and the excess amount of human generated carbon. “Basically, the world will soon be encouraged to wear a new ‘Green Mask,’ that has a replaceable ‘carbon-trapping filter’ that literally traps the exhaled carbon, and allows the wearer to eventually ‘bank’ the trapped carbon,” said Dr. Tedros.

“We have a solution to the Carbon Crisis that has been right in front of our faces all along… and to think, if it weren’t for the challenges of the pandemic, the collaboration of Nations on containment and the development of vaccines, and especially the observances of the need to mask-up, sometimes with more than one mask for true efficacy, this brilliant concept may never have been devised.”

“The promising prototype, once engineered to be the final indispensible product it is envisaged to become, will be integrated with a supporting 5G monitoring system that will be revolutionary for the human species. When properly executed, and adopted by all Nations, it will prove to be a simple, effective and purposeful addition to daily life.”

“Carbon is contributing to Climate Change, and Climate Change has facilitated a period of disease, with COVID-19 being merely the first of the waves of expected pandemics in the decades to come. Wearing a Green Mask as often as possible, mandatory if required, or simply as a fashion statement to ensure constant protection of self and others — will be a virtuous act that will significantly reduce the exhaled carbon footprint of each individual. And it will earn you Social Credit!”

“WHO could have imagined, no excusing that pun, that humans would solve the carbon problem and the virus problem and the economic problem simultaneously, protecting each other indefinitely from respiratory viruses, while banking individual effort with an exchange of carbon output for Social Credit on a newly devised Crypto Reward-System. The more carbon you exhale, the longer you wear your mask, the more credit you’ll earn, the more lives you will potentially save, and crucially your individual effort is sustaining the life of the planet itself!”

When asked about whether the current financial system may actually be replaced, Dr Tedros responded:

“It is utterly brilliant technology… money will be based on exhaled and captured carbon, a new financial system based on an individual’s carbon “banking” contribution will run tandem, and eventually supplement the current Global Financial System as it is forced to evolve.”

“Every individual will play a crucial role,” Dr. Tedros continued “…and each individual’s contributing role will be recognised on an individual basis, with rewards and incentives for extended behavioural adaptation to ‘The Green Mask Credit Initiative.’ It will be a way of life, a way to live, a way to earn crypto Social Credit by accumulating carbon, and basically banking what you have produced. The filters will be swapped and the carbon permanently trapped and stored in specialised facilities.”

The Green Mask Credit Initiative has been proposed as an essential concept that will take humanity into an economically and environmentally sustainable future of digital-interconnectedness, shared conscientiousness and the eventual merging of the individual into a uniform system of collectivised sustainment and mutual benefit.

GMCI is the collaborative brainchild of the Davos Group, aligned with certain visionaries at WHO, The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, The United Nations and enthusiastically endorsed by The World Bank and the International Monetary Fund.

It is ironic that carbon-based life forms will soon trap carbon as a basis for their lives.

It is the future.

It is also the 1st of April, and I sincerely apologise for this dystopian April Fool’s Day satire.